Catminted
by Wolfstorm7
Summary: Brambleclaw and Berrynose find some cat-mint and craziness ensues... No, not slash. Contains Sunrise spoilers.


Just a completely strange and random idea that landed in my head. I needed to capture it before it flew away. (Sorry to my _Thunder's Story_ and _TwoLeg Time_ fans! I'm working on those, I promise! I just needed to get this out...)

This is sort of in the future. Foxpaw and Icepaw are warriors and Toadkit and Rosekit are apprentices.

You know what catmint (catnip) is, and what it does to cats, right? Well...

(Note: about 35% of cats are not affected by catnip.)

* * *

"WindClan is coming!"

"Attack!"

"_Grahh!_"

Brambleclaw sighed as he watched Brairkit, Blossomkit, and Bumblekit jump on the returning patrol. He remembered when Lionblaze, Hollyleaf, and Jayfeather did the same, when he had thought they were _his_ kits. He glanced at the fluffy ginger she-cat sitting all the way across camp from him. She looked away the moment he caught her eye, and he realized that she had been staring at him.

How could Squirrelflight not have trusted him, her own mate? He would have trusted her; he had loved her. He wasn't so sure of his feelings now. He buried his head in his paws.

A low voice made him look up. His friend and old apprentice, Berrynose, stood there, calling his name.

"Brambleclaw? Jayfeather needs more catmint for his stores. Will you get come get some with me?"

Horror rose in Brambleclaw's throat and tried to choke him. He leapt up.

"Greencough?" He asked with worry.

"No..." Berrynose didn't meet his eyes directly. His ears seemed to be twitching. "Just getting extra."

Brambleclaw stretched with a groan. Firestar had spread his duties of being deputy with other cats, so Brambleclaw could arrange his thoughts. Yes, it was good to get all the responsibility off his back, but it had been a moon already! He was ready to be deputy again. And the more he helped out, the more he could prove to Firestar that he wasn't moping anymore.

"Sure."

They ran to the old abandoned TwoLeg nest. The catmint was growing in the garden. Brambleclaw grasped some stems in his teeth, using all of his self-control to ignore the mouth-watering scent. He was careful not to crush or bruise the leaves or stem. If he did, even a small taste of catmint would make him go nuts.

Berrynose gathered some too.

As the picked their way through the sharp TwoLeg objects left in the garden, Berrynose set his mouthful down.

"Wah wong?" Brambleclaw meowed through a mouthful of herbs.

"Oh, just taking a rest," his old apprentice mewed causally, "Mmm... it smells _so_ good!"

Brambleclaw nodded and wondered where this could be going.

"...You know," Berrynose meowed, but Brambleclaw dropped his herbs and interrupted him.

"No. Jayfeather needs this all."

"He wouldn't notice some missing because he wouldn't know how much there was in the first place! Anyway, greencough only comes in Leaf-bare."

"I can't believe you were my apprentice, the way you're acting. I thought I taught you better!"

"Come on... All you do is mope around now. I'm trying to help! You need to have a little _fun_!"

And with that, Berrynose reached over and crushed the catmint stems beneath Brambleclaw's nose.

* * *

A loud yowl rang through camp. Mousefur stuck her head out of the nursery.

"What's going on? We elders need some sleep, you know!"

Another wild, ecstatic yowl sang in the trees, closer this time. All the cats in camp looked at each other.

Another yowl came from right above them. Standing on the edge of the quarry was Brambleclaw, a bright, shiny look in his eye.

"Brambleclaw?"

He half-bounded, half-rolled down the side of the cliff.

"You can't catch me! You can't catch me! I'm a happy little bunny!"

Berrynose snuck in the entrance of camp and slunk off to the warriors' den, keeping his head low. Squirrelflight came out and stared in amazement at Brambleclaw, who was rolling on the ground and twitching.

"Is this some kind of joke, Brambleclaw?"

He looked up.

"I'm not talking to you," he slurred, pouting. "You're a big meanie!"

She stared at him, but then she caught a scent of his breath on the breeze.

"Catmint," she hissed. "Oh, Brambleclaw. You're the deputy of ThunderClan, for StarClan's sake!"

"_You_ ate some _catmint_?" Leafpool asked him, amazed that he would do such a thing.

"Yess! Oooh! Oooh! It was meee! Pick meeee! MEEEEE! I want credit!" The brown tabby started to preform a 'complicated' series of battle movement, tripping, and falling.

"I think our deputy wanted a little happy 'break'," Sorreltail meowed.

"... and I swiped like this," Brambleclaw announced, nearly slicing Brakenfur in half with an outstretched kicking paw. He was lying on the ground, incapable of standing upright. "And then those mangy crow-food..." He paused. "Crow-food! Crow-food!" he sang to himself. He tried to jump up but wobbled and fell over. "My name is Crow-food! Nice to meet you!" He meowed to the strange upside-down faces of cats he was seeing. "Who are _you_? You look funny..."

"What's happening?" Piped up Blossomkit, "Why is Brambleclaw acting funny?" Millie came quickly out of the nursery and hurried her away. Some of the cats looked amused, but others looked worried or disappointed.

"Wow!" exclaimed Mousefur, purring with laughter, "I haven't seen a show like this since Graystripe thought he was having kits!"

"Hey!" cried Graystripe, "You would have thought that too if you had eaten four mice in one sitting! I was confused, that's all!"

"He was as fat as _Purdy_!"

"I'm deeply offended!"

"It's a good thing _Purdy_ is sleeping..."

"I heard all that!" A voice yowled from the elder's den. "I may be old, but I'm not deaf!"

"I guess he wasn't sleeping."

"I'M GOING HUNTING!" Brambleclaw slurred, staggering to his feet. "Heh heh heh... Those mice won't stand a chance against me!"

"What's going on?" Cloudtail asked. He had just come in from a 'hunting patrol' with Brightheart.

"Umm," wondered Brightheart, "Why is Brambleclaw attacking the fresh-kill pile?"

"He's hunting."

"...Ahh... We see," Cloudtail meowed. To Squirrelflight he whispered, "What _happened _to him?"

"Catmint," Squirrelflight said with a snarl.

"...Oh."

Brambleclaw grabbed a squirrel and started chewing. Unfortunately, he dropped the squirrel before it even got to his mouth. He started to eat, but he didn't notice he was chewing air. Then, he realized something:

"I gotta organize patrols! Where's Firestar?" Brambleclaw stopped gnawing at the air, got up, and stepped forward, only to stumble and plant his face in the ground.

"Whoops! Who put the ground there? If it was _you_, you'll be on tick duty for a moon!"

Every cat took a single step back, leaving only Firestar, who was coming out of his den at the moment and had no idea what was going on.

"Hi Firestar! I want to organize patrols!" Brambleclaw bounced on the pads of his paws like a new apprentice. "Can I? Pleeeeease? Pretty pleeeease?"

"Oh great StarClan," Firestar groaned, rolling his eyes up to the sky, "How'd he get like this?"

Berrynose looked away innocently.

"I think..." started Sandstorm.

"I want to organize patrols!"

"Not right now, Brambleclaw," Firestar told him.

Sandstorm continued, "I think that he..."

"Patrol time! Come on, everybody! Let's go attack WindClan!"

"Brambleclaw, be _quiet_!"

Sandstorm tried again; "He was still feeling down and decided that he would..."

"Get those WindClan cats!"

"BRAMBLECLAW, you nut-head, SHUT UP!"

Brambleclaw looked surprised at his leader's tone of voice. He lay down and started whimpering.

"Nobody loves me! Everybody hates me! My mate..." Everyone looked at Squirrelflight, whose pelt became hot. "...She _lied_ to me!" He yowled loudly, his words running together. "My kits knew too... _Nobody_ loves me... Nobody _loves_ me... Nobody loves _me_..." He looked up, his eyes shining. He suddenly looked incredibly happy and excited. "I'm running away to the mountains and leaving you all! Toodles!"

He got up and started to stagger out of camp.

"Squirrelflight, Lionblaze... and... Berrynose, can you go get him?" Firestar meowed with a groan. Berrynose looked pleased when his name was called. "Before he gets into even more trouble."

As they ran out of camp, Firestar called, "And be back really soon! Berrynose and Lionblaze, you know you are going to the Gathering tonight, right?"

"Foxdung!" Berrynose swore under his breath, "The Gathering! If I had remembered... Grr!" He hadn't known that there was a Gathering. He had just wanted Brambleclaw to loosen up. He hadn't wanted to put out the ThunderClan deputy on the night of the Gathering!

"What?" Squirrelflight hissed, stopping so suddenly that Lionblaze smashed into her. "...'_If I had remembered_'... You were _involved_?"

"Uh... no."

"You _were_!"

"No I wasn't!"

"Yes you were!"

"I didn't do anything!"

"You did!"

"Did not!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes you did! I know it."

"No, he did it himself."

"You're a liar!"

"WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP!"

They looked at Lionblaze in shock.

"You two are behaving like kits! Even you, Mother. I mean, Squirrelflight."

"But he was _involve_d," she whined.

"No," Berrynose pouted.

Lionblaze rolled his eyes. "Oh StarClan. Why _me_? Why do I have to be paired up with _them_?"

"Hey! We're not that bad..."

"But while we stand here talking, Brambleclaw is getting away!"

He sniffed the ground and followed the trail. They ran in a row; Lionblaze in the middle, then Squirrelflight and Berrynose on either side. Sqirrelflight and Berrynose were having an angry staring contest, just looking at each other, and not to where they were going. Unfortunately, they were on either side of Lionblaze, and so when he ran between two very close trees...

"Oh, come _on_," Lionblaze moaned as Squirrelflight and Berrynose smashed into the trunks.

"Ooooh... look at all the pretty stars!" Squirrelflight meowed. Berrynose shook his head to clear his scrambled brain.

"Ouch."

Squirrleflight got up and walked in a circle. A familiar voice floated close to them, and Brambleclaw popped out of the brush.

"Does meanie feel bad?" he asked the dazed Squirrelflight. "Would some of_ this_ make meanie feel better?"

He stuffed some green herbs into her open mouth and ran off.

"Wait!" yowled Lionblaze, just realizing what had just happened. But Brambleclaw was gone and they had an even larger problem on their hands.

Squirrelflight grinned insanely. She rolled on the ground and twitched. Then, she spotted Berrynose.

"Hollyleaf! How glad I am to see you!" She staggered over and licked him all over.

"Oh StarClan... not another." Lionblaze moaned.

"What's going on?" Berrynose asked in a dazed voice.

"It's your mother, silly!" Squirrelflight told him. "Do you not recognize me?"

"What's with _her_?" He asked, scooting away from Squirrelflight's licks. Lionblaze told him about the incident while the ginger she-cat attacked Berrynose.

"Hold still, Hollyleaf! You've still got mud on your pelt. You need to look _perfect_ for your warrior ceremony."

"Help! Lionblaze, _do_ something!"

"I, Squirrelstar, name you 'Holly...', after all the evil cats! Because you were evil too!" she hissed in a funny voice. "I know the _truth_."

Berryose was confused. What? Hollyleaf was evil? Why did she include Ashfur's name in the list? She must have really hit her head hard. Lionblaze looked guilty and afraid. What did he know?

"Come on," Lionblaze meowed quickly. Too quickly. "We have to go find Brambleclaw before the gathering."

They followed him.

"All hail Hollyleafashscourge (hic) furhawk... frostytigerstar!"

"Be quiet, for StarClan's sake!"

"Squirrelflight? Is that you?" Brambleclaw's familiar voice sounded. He was in the clearing ahead of them, sitting on a large rock. Beneath the rock were many little sticks stuck in the ground.

"Yes?" Squirrelflight slurred.

"Come, meanie, come and join my Clan!"

"What... is your Clan called?"

"CatmintClan."

"...Yes! But I'm leader."

"No way, meanie. I'm Bramblestar, and these," he swished his tail, pointing to the sticks, "Are my warriors."

He named them all as Berrynose and Lionblaze tried in vain to bring the two crazy cats back to camp. They wouldn't budge, and the two toms didn't want to hurt their own Clanmates.

"Come, my Liony son. Come and see my secrets. You too, Holly."

"Please stop calling me that."

"Sure thing, Holly."

Brambleclaw looked both ways as if he was afraid someone was listening. Then he flicked his tail and led them into a in the boulder.

"Look, my son and daughter." Brambleclaw meowed, flicking his tail towards a thin crack in the rock.

"I'm _not_ your daughter," meowed Berrynose with annoyance, but Brambleclaw ignored him.

"The magic!" he slurred as he pulled out of the crack...

A bundle of catmint.

"Have some and join us (hic)," he meowed with a spooky voice, "Join the _dark side_."

Berrynose and Lionblaze looked at each other.

They looked at Brambleclaw.

They looked at the catmint.

Finally, Lionblaze spoke;

"Well, if you can't beat them..."

"...Join them." Berrynose finished as they both swallowed some green, delicious leaves.

* * *

"Where's Brambleclaw?" a RiverClan cat called out.

Firestar looked at all the cats mulling around beneath him. Brambleclaw, Berrynose, Lionblaze, and Squirrelflight had not come back, so ThunderClan had left without them. The Gathering was well underway, and it was his turn to speak.

"Umm... he was occupied."

Just then, a noise was heard on the tree bridge. Some voices that sounded... very familiar. Yet slurred.

"Oh, StarClan, no," whispered Firestar, "Not now."

Four cats burst into the clearing, scattering the other cats like leaves.

"CatmintClan..." Brambleclaw yowled, "Seize the Clans!"

"Isn't that the ThunderClan deputy?" Firestar could hear cats meowing.

"_Catmint_Clan?"

"What's going on?"

"They smell like catmint!"

"They're as high as birds!"

"ThunderClan is really going down the whirlpool..."

And then chaos ruled over and StarClan fell to the ground. The four cats chased other cats around, pushed them into the water, bit their tails, and just caused a giant mess. No cat volunteered to stop them; they all just ran and hid.

Firestar found himself a fallen tree with a hollow trunk. He clambered inside.

"Ouch! Stop that!" Onestar meowed.

"Oops," Firestar meowed, "I didn't know anyone was in here."

"Well, there are. There's no more room!" Crowfeather tried to shove Firestar out. Firestar dug in his claws.

"You aren't going to send me out _there_ with those _maniacs_?"

"That's exactly what I intend to do."

"But I'm the leader of ThunderClan!" He ducked under Crowfeather's leg and fell directly on top of a dark ginger she-cat.

"Hey!" Russetfur snarled, "Paws _off_!"

"Sorry," Firestar meowed with embarrassment, jumping off her. "Um... who else is in here?"

"Me!" meowed a young voice. "This is my first gathering! My name is Sneezepaw! I'm so happy I met two leader and a deputy and a grumpy WindClan elder up close! I love it here! This is so much fun! Why are your ThunderClan cats acting funny, oh great ThunderClan leader? Are they sick? Did I mention this is my first gathering?"

There was silence.

"What was that part about the grumpy WindClan _elder_?" Crowfeather muttered angrily.

"I liked that 'oh great leader' part." Firestar purred.

"Anyone _else_?" Onestar asked, ignoring the hyper apprentice.

"Me," came a deep voice from the darkness deep down the trunk.

"And who's _that_?" Russetfur snapped.

Berrynose appeared.

"It's one of those catmint cats! Everybody run for your lives!" Onestar screeched. They all tumbled out of the log, except for Firestar and Berrynose.

"Berrynose,_ why_?" Firestar mewed. "Why did you do this?"

"Do what?" Berrynose meowed in a calm, controlled voice. With no hint of slurred works or blissful purring.

Firestar gaped. "You're _sane_?"

"Now, that's not very nice to say to someone," Berrynose sniffed.

"No, I mean, you didn't eat any catmint?"

"No, I did. Want to smell my breath?"

"...No thanks. I can smell fine from here. You did eat catmint! Why are you normal?"

"Well, you see, I seem to be immune to the effects of catmint."

"But you still acted insane out there!"

Berrynose let out an evil purr. Firestar backed up in the log.

"Well," meowed Berrynose, his eyes lighting up, "Maybe I _am_ insane."

* * *

Firestar ran out of the log yowling at the top of his lungs.

* * *

The four cats were pulled by their tails back to camp. After all that chaos, they had finally been tired out and were half-asleep.

"What now?" Jayfeather asked irritably when warriors put the four cats down in front of his den. "I already have _enough_ work on my paws. These three mouse-brains... while you were at the gathering..."

"Hey!" yowled Foxleap's voice from the back of the den, "_I_ wasn't the one that came up with the idea!"

"But_ I_ wasn't the one to agree to whole-heartedly agree to it!" Icecloud hissed.

"I didn't do anything!" moaned Sandstorm. "I didn't do anything!"

"Just never play 'Poke the hedgehog' again if you don't remember what a hedgehog looks like!" Jayfeather hissed. "See what I mean? They poked a _porcupine_!"

"How was Sandstorm involved?" Mousewhisker asked.

"I really have no idea. All she will meow is 'I didn't do anything'."

"I didn't do anything!"

"Toadpaw, go make them be quiet," Jayfeather ordered his apprentice.

"Yes, Jayfeather." He hurried off. Sharp yelps of pain were heard. Then silence.

"Okay, now bring these cats in."

They brought the sleeping cats to the front of the medicine cats' den.

Jayfeather sniffed them. His blind eyes opened wide.

"My... 'mother'?"

"And your 'father'." Mousewhisker added helpfully.

"And your brother!" Toadpaw yelped. "That's so funny!"

"And me, Berrynose," Berrynose meowed. He wasn't asleep. "But don't worry, I'm fine. You can let me go."

"Don't let him go!" yowled Firestar shrilly from the medicine cats' den. "He's insane! Completely insane!"

"Shall I give our leader more poppy seeds?" Toadpaw asked.

"Yes, do so."

* * *

Brambleclaw woke up alone in the medicine cat den, feeling a giant headache. He struggled to remember what had happened. Berrynose... he had gone with him to the old TwoLeg den... Jayfeather had needed catmint.

But he hadn't gotten any more catmint for him.

He had forgotten!

Brambleclaw walked out of the den. For some reason, all the cats looked at him strangely. But his head hurt to much to think about it. He ran, his vision wavering and head pounding, to the old TwoLeg den. It looked as if some catmint had been recently taken. He picked some and went back to camp.

"Here you go, Jayfeather. The catmint you asked for."

Jayfeather looked shocked.

"_Again_, Brambleclaw? What's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"Don't you know that you were completely catminted yesterday? You even went to the Gathering."

Brambleclaw froze and went limp. "I. Went. To. The Gathering. Catmint? But... how?"

"So you don't remember?"

"I remember Berrynose telling me that you needed some catmint..."

"I didn't ask for more catmint. I have plenty."

"_Berrynose_," Brambleclaw hissed, "Oh, yes, _now_ I remember, it's _all_ coming back now. I _remember_..." He got up. "I have to go... 'talk'... with my old apprentice..."

* * *

The End! Please review! What happened in the log? What about Sandstorm? Oops, you'll never know... this wasn't a multi-chapter story!


End file.
